October 14, 2012: […] I kept calling many times and dropped her
lot of messages in yahoo chat. She didn't even respond back, and her phone couldn't be reached. I was trying to call her every second, every minute, every
hour… yet there was only a girl answer my phone and tell me to drop a voice
message.
My
feeling was getting down. It seemed like nobody home. My heart was not with
me—it was flying to somewhere else. I was thinking of her even I was with my
friends and family. I couldn't smile, laugh, and hear any people talking to
me at all.
 |
| Sorrow Day Part 2 |
After
responding back to her email (Lonely Day), I tried to call her till midnight of
new day, yet no respond. October 14, 2012, it was the day I've been to homeland
at Kampong Cham. I tried to call her think of her and worry about her even I
was driving. Most of the time I call, her phone couldn’t be reached. Sometime
it can be reached but no one answer my phone. I started wondering and thinking
of her. First, I think that she might still unhappy with me and doesn't want to
talk with me. Second, I think of her safety and what may happen to her—her
health problem, accident, people harm her, etc. I was like a crazy guy at that
time. I can’t sleep, I can’t talk, I can’t smile, and I can’t laugh, and do can’t
anything at all. I just held my phones and checked every minute if she responded
my message or called me.
Finally,
I got her respond. I was so glad and immediately responded back to her and
called her. But no one answers my phone and responds my message again. The
pressure feeling of mind got triply. I thought and wondered why and what
happened to her. I worried about her very much. It was 22h00 at Kampong Cham—I couldn't sleep. My eyes couldn't be closed. They were out of control because my brain and my heart were
with her. I almost cried and talked god alone “I miss my honey so much. Please
let her know about my feeling and tell her to call me back or respond my message
when she sees them. I’m almost crazy now!” After that I started composing a
poem to express the feeling of my worrying and missing her. I sent to her and
slept after sending.
 |
| Poem: worrying and missing my love |
I
woke up first time at 1 am and checked the phone. I saw her respond via yahoo
chat, and immediately responded back to her and called her but no one answers my
phone again. I felt so hopeless again. It likes we were playing the hidden
game. While I was sleeping, she responded to me in very short words and nothing
to show me that she was not angry with me. Well, I slept again after
responding, and when I got up in the morning, I remembered that I dream about
her. In my dream showed me that she called me to meet her at a library. When I arrived
at the library I saw her friends and herself dress like doctor. Also, the
decoration of library looks like pharmacy. It caught my attention to think of
what happened to her. I immediately
called her again. Wow! I was so glad because she answered my phone. And I asked
her all the reasons that she didn't answer my phone.
After
knowing, I felt my eyes got wet. I touched my eyes—actually, it was my tear. Her
phone couldn't be reached because it’s out of battery and kept at home. And she
was sent to hospital. Oh my god, it’s clearly told in my dream. She got serious
cold. She was not able to answer my phone because her hand was being injected. My
honey, you are so pity. I love you. I am almost crazy because I can’t hear from
you these two days. I added.